Continues to the Unexplain

Hello fellow human beings! 

I little continues story about what happen to my previous post...

So, yesterday was another late night came back at around 2am , this time no partying or drink (well I can't anyway because I was sick). 

To show I was fine with what happen I promise A and B that I would cook for them and also because all of them had cooked for me meals before so was thinking is my turn to do the deed plus supposed to have a girl joining us as well for a blind date with A but at the end that girl didn't turn up such a shame else I could make fun of A but i actually promise him I would be good until after their date I could laugh at him. So made a three course dinner with entrée: cream of mushroom, main: lamb chop (grill lamb chop+ traditional mushroom gravy+steam carrot and broccoli + mash sweet potato)   and dessert were with ice cream and a grass jelly drink. I did not cook at my house because my house is a lil crowded especially on a friday so we all agree to do it at B's house. So B went to pick A and came over to my place so we all can go shopping to get stuff to cook.

Is a little over first I know i am fine with what happen but is still hard for me to look at B because there is the awkwardness between... Unexplainable just weird! And I know he too trick not to poke the bear! 

Cook them an awesome meal, they love it so much not sure if they are just saying that but atleast after the whole cooking together and chitchatting 3 of us had things was back to normal like what happen last week didn't happen I even help B cut his lamb because he suck at using knife ... However, I did realise when we make fun of B about him getting drunk there is always a silent laughter and awkward silence and B dare not to touch alcohol whole night and A don't really want to leave me alone with B. They were so full by the 2 course so B went to do the dishes and me and A went to walk around the apartment because we need to burn some stuff in our tummy. 

So while both of us are walking A open the can of worms, asking me if I talk to B about last week and what did we talk about. I told him no everything B said I told him already then we never did touch on that topic. Then he told me he was annoyed at B so he actually went to asked him 

"when are you going to tell me about S ( just going to use S as my name here)? "

B explained that he wanted to talk about it in person with A , so A scolded him like 

"is S how could you and now this going to be weird." Because A knows that from my past history I tend to avoid those people after things like this happen.

I actually feel awful because I knew them for 1 and a half years and 1 year respectively and they knew each other for 4 years so I don't want to be the reason that they fight. Of all people I know that good friends are hard to get, cherish the best buddies you have! Although is not my fault, but still think maybe I should dress down instead of up when hanging out with them because last week was a body hugging tight light brown dress that shows every curve of your body and i did had some light makeup on is exactly like on my fb current profile pic with green scarf hair down and my heels but that is all what I wore for work but with a blazer or a black cardi over that  so last night dinner was just long sleeve top and jeans shorts (huge different huh?) 

And another thing is that I should act like a normal girl instead of me, need to stop being boyish I like shopping i like pretty stuff love dressing up not cute but more of a sexy style but more independent and brave maybe because I been through alot on my own(apparently A knows that, they is why he amaze me by telling his mates of what I have archive and been through) and i am not like the other girls when you get hurt you sit there and cry, I am more of suck it up and continue doing my things. So they like to hang with me because I don't mind joining any activities as long is fun the more extreme the better!  But I do appreciate they are all being gentleman after we had dinner we want to another guy friend's house to bring him food ,so he only have one bean bag sofa in his room so they were like for the lady ... Even though I prefer sitting on the floor because of the fluffy carpet feels like fur and sitting on an animal :D  but somehow this people mind too much about me sitting on the floor :( 

Oh yeah! Almost forgot about this, after dinner i was helping to keep the left overs in the fridge and A was packing food. B asked me , "s when are you going to ask me?" 

I guess i know what he is trying to say because i still yet to confront in person, but somehow want to leave it as pass so acted stupid saying, "ask what?" 

So he was a lil disappointed and just smile, and i quickly change the topic. 

No matter how still some awkward moments no way to turn back time i guess or maybe I could just remember I actually went breakfast with my ex boyfriend 1 mth plus ago, and we did chatting as usual and he told me almost everything and when we went fir breakfast was a lil awkward as well both of us talking to each other but is really hard to look at each other so keep trying to avoid eye contact... but guess what he is hotter than before! He used to be one of the top looking guy in school but now there is an mature feeling about him and guess we are still friends because we are so similar that things we want is the same in life and we both are in IT and from the same background! 

Just takes time to kill the awkwardness but don't wanna destroy the friendship so i will try to work on it and you know let this be the past between us and just rant on my blog I am actually goid at acting everything is just okay and I don't care or mind even tho i do so badly.